Perfection

I was thinking about 2008 this week, as it is coming to end very soon! First, I thought about all the blessings of the year and felt extremely thankful! I then wondered, what lessons have learned this year…

The first thing that came to mind was being “real”! After graduating from graduate school earlier this year, I suddenly had time to pay attention. I suddenly noticed the flaws in my own life as well as the flaws that others were trying to hide. One of the reasons, I started blogging was because I wanted to be real; I wanted to put it all out there. I did not want to hide anything. Now do not get me wrong, I so understand the concept of speaking, walking and living by faith; it is how I live my life. However, some have lost the ability to be real along the way; living by faith has somehow become living or shall I say, appearing to live a perfected life. Again, do not get me wrong, we all crave perfection but most of us get it, that's not a possibility. I feel sad for people who spend most of their lives trying to create this perfect life, friends and family, not a flaw to be seen. How sad, it is such wasted energy living that way and so unnecessary because the price has already been paid for those imperfections that many are trying to hide.

We all know there was only one perfect being and that was Christ. His crucifixion allowed us to be able to live our flawed lives knowing that grace and mercy waits at the end of our mistakes. I am not saying we should willfully do wrong things because we already know we have forgiveness. I am saying sometimes we mess up, sometimes we make wrong choices and sometimes we just have dark seasons, and at the end of those, we have our Fathers forgiveness.

This year I have learned, I am flawed; I make mistakes and MOST OF ALL, MY LIFE IS NOT PERFECT! In this revelation, Christmas means even more to me. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Someone you know has lupus…

http://www.lupuspnw.org/

The Lupus Foundation of America (LFA) market research data estimates 1.4 to 2 million Americans suffer from lupus, or one out of every 185: “more people,” it calculates, “than AIDS, cerebral palsy, multiple sclerosis, sickle-cell anemia and cystic fibrosis combined.” Lupus more often affects women who are black, American Indian, Asian or Hispanic than women who are white. Lupus also affects children and older people. Lupus can affect more than one family member, but there are no studies showing that lupus is an inherited disease.

Basically, lupus is the body’s immune system gone haywire: this disease-fighting system has lost the ability to tell the difference between foreign invaders, such as viruses and hazardous bacteria, and the body’s own cells and tissues. The antibodies meant to protect the body now attack it. Sun exposure is known to trigger disease activity, with symptoms including joint pain or swelling, fever, fatigue, skin rash, anemia, chest pains and a rash on any part of the body, most likely over the nose and cheek area in the shape of a butterfly. Lupus is also a rheumatic (arthritic) disease, and can affect the joints, muscles, skin, kidneys, nervous system, lungs and heart. The cause of lupus is unknown.

In the 1950s, a diagnosis of SLE meant a 50 percent possibility of death within 5 years. Today, there are more sensitive diagnostic tests and better treatments, which yield a 97 percent chance longer life span for someone with the disease. However, there is still no cure or specific treatment for lupus. Thursday, November 20, 2008 marked an unfortunate anniversary. It was 50 years ago the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) last approved a drug to specifically treat lupus. It is heartbreaking to hear from those who have had hip replacements at an early age, men and women who have been forced to stop working, teens who are fearful they will have no future because of lupus, and women who are afraid they cannot have families.

Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with the struggles of lupus. My mother was diagnosed with lupus when I was 5 years old and lost her battle at the young age of 50. I am dedicated to helping others not suffer the way my mother suffered as well as helping families who are impacted by their love ones battle with lupus deal with the ups and the downs of the disease. I am currently Board President for the Pacific Northwest Chapter of the LFA. The Pacific Northwest Chapter serves Washington, Oregon and Idaho. The LFA is on the front lines of this effort to advance the science and medicine of lupus and to bring down the barriers that have impeded progress in lupus research. With the help of donors, researchers, and friends in Congress, the LFA is making advances toward safer, more tolerable, and effective treatments.

If you would like more information, please feel free to contact me or if you would like to donate towards the LFA’s efforts please go to http://www.lupuspnw.org/.

Sources quoted in this blog: http://www.allaboutblackhealth.com/lupus_in_black_women.htm; http://www.lupus.org/newsite/pages/zero-in-50.html; http://www.newarkmetro.rutgers.edu/reports/display.php?id=84

A Different Me...

Life takes you through difficulties; it brings joy and sometimes-great sadness, but it is all to take you on a journey that many call destiny. Many remember the difficult times in their lives with great heartache and deep pain, not realizing that the pain they are remembering was to help them grow and mature.

I have many things in my life that I know I would not have achieve if it was not for the most difficult moments in my life. The pain was to help me be strong and accept challenges to come. The moments of poor decisions were to help me make better decisions later. Your greatest pains could be your greatest accomplishments.

Do you ever have times like this? Times when you want to experience something familiar, and then you try and travel roads already travelled. I mean things like hang out with people from past periods in your life or do things that you use to. It seems like whenever I have tried to do that the acts seems so foreign, even if I have done it many times in the past. I believe in those moments, I am supposed to be experiencing something new, something different.

That leads me to the title; today I think I am a different me. I have tried things I have never tried. I have done things that I thought I would never do. I have achieved things I never thought I would. Finally, I have loved as if I never knew I could. In order for me to achieve those things, I just mentioned I had to leave things in the past, and embrace that my deepest pains have created a different and better me…

NBC: Obama elected 44th president

NBC: Obama elected 44th president

Illinois senator to become first African-American executive in U.S. history.

Tuesday, November, 4, 2008

A couple of things make this election life changing. The first being, eight years ago people all over the United States, particularly many Christians got behind a man because they believed he believed the same things they did. Eight years later, this country has suffered greatly for the decision to elect that individual as president. Therefore, I ask should beliefs be the only qualifications, for the highest position in the United States. In my opinion, no it takes far more than beliefs. The last president lacked many skills; he lacked the ability to make sound decisions, he lacked the ability to hire the right people and lastly he lacked the ability to see beyond his own needs. While I respect Senator McCain's war record, I think he lacks the same skills as the current president. The ability to make sound decisions, Sarah Palin, really he chose Sarah Palin. The ability to hire the right people is a skill that he lacks; whether you love or hate Senator McCain he ran a poor campaign and that reflects on his ability to hire the right people. He has an inability to see beyond his own needs, Senator McCain cannot see beyond his own desire to become president, so much so he will pull any gimmick. He has “Joe the Plumber” campaigning on his behalf because he thinks he is the everyday middle class. I do not think so, let us just say I cannot relate to Joe the Plumber and I consider myself very middle class.

Second aspect that makes this election life changing, Senator Obama is the American dream. He did not come from privilege and he worked for all that he has and so did his wife. They grew up with the same issues as many of us and he is smart. When he speaks, he makes sense. He truly can relate to what we are experiencing and he gives us hope. Senator McCain is more of the same, family connections and a lack of qualifications.

It is an amazing time and it is sad that so many Americans cannot look at the facts and make a sound decision but instead they have resorted in spreading so many lies and untruths.

November 5, 2008 is going to be an incredible day...

Normal......

I think all my life; I have been searching for normal. The funny thing about that is my life has been anything but normal, and even funnier for someone who craves normal, I have pretty much taken it all in stride. I remember feeling very different at young age, not in an abnormal way but in a way that spoke of purpose.

What is normal? Webster says it is according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle. As a teen, I would party with my friends and then stay up the rest of the night reading a book. I wanted to appear like everyone else, which was the partying because that is what teens do. Family life proved to be anything but normal so I tried to control what I could. Some things I could make look very normal like being the typical teenager, college student and young adult. I partied but got good grades and I always had a plan, a plan no one else knew.

After college and during my stint in the military, I finally settled down, I still kept trying to be normal. When I joined my church 10 years ago, I was having babies and most of the women I met were in the same situation, we all were homemakers. I pretended homemaking was to be my life forever but deep down inside I had a plan to return to work as soon as I put my youngest children in school. I never said a word because it would have appeared not normal for my particular group of friends.

It took me a while but realized, I am made in His image and He has many images. I still do not know what normal is but I am starting to love that am not!

Sex

Who would have thought, that teenage sex would be staring us in the face during the presidential election? We have a 17-year-old pregnant girl (the daughter of the Republican VP candidate) and the alleged father a self described 18-year-old red neck planning to marry. Yes, I keep asking myself is this for real?

I cannot imagine ever requiring my 17-year-old daughter to get married. My daughter at 17, a wife and mother, it would make me incredibly sad! The sad part of this and any situation like it is the child is going to have bare the brunt of the two of them trying to grow up way too soon. I am the product of teenagers forced into marriage and I was never allowed to forget it. I was the reason that both of their lives should have been so different. I had a front row seat to their immature decisions and discussions.

I believe, the Palin's have the many problems that we all face, I just do not agree with how they choose to handle them. I do think, like many people, they have made sex this naughty thing. We all know that when you make something naughty it becomes even more desirable. I think people also make sex the only means to communicate love, leaving teenagers to believe it has to be the next step in the whirlwind of emotions that they may be feeling at the time.

I do not know why the Palin girl decided to have sex at 17 but one thing is for sure she is going to need her mom more than ever...

Are You Living or Existing...

Last night, a friend and I saw the new Tyler Perry movie, The Family that Preys, a must see movie. There was a phrase in the movie that asked the question "Are you living or just existing?” I went wow! Am I, living or just existing?

Before the movie, at dinner we were talking about how people live to put on shows. They want everyone to believe their lives are perfect, that they have no problems. They carefully orchestrate their lives, so that it shows perfection, not a flaw in sight. They have to be careful not to show any emotions, they have to be careful not to show their sadness as well as hide any pain very carefully. To me, that is just existing and not living at all.

Unfortunately, the people we were talking about are Christians. They think that they are helping people, really, they do, and they have the best intentions at heart. They think that people will see their imagine and want Christ but I think 99% of the time people think those people are special and they will never be able to achieve that. What people want to see is "everyday folk" working through the problems of life with the Word of God. People are not looking for an imagine; they are looking for solutions to their reality...

Therefore, I ask you... ARE YOU LIVING OR JUST EXISTING!

Trying To Relax

What does that mean? I am just trying to relax... I have a friend that says that to me all the time. And when I ask how, they never know how to answer me. Well, I want to relax too but I am not always sure how to accomplish that. So.... I have decided to start with, what is the best decision for me in the moment. Well what does that mean?

You see, one of my issues is I give away of myself way too freely, I do not charge enough. I normally think of everyone else and never consider my own needs. Then after a while, I feel stressed and up tight, not at all relaxed. To remedy this problem, I have committed to stop, think and consider before I make a decision to come to any one's rescue. I must think, is helping this person right now, the best choice for me. I have committed to, before I choose to eat something, stay up late or make any decision; I will ask, is this, the best choice for me.

Now, this is very scary to me because most of my life, the people surrounding me, often made choices that were in their best interest, not necessarily mine. My fear has always been that I would become an extremely selfish person. So, my task, find the balance. To find that sweet spot where I can be the giving me, while taking care of myself at the same time.

Wish me luck...

What Kind of Day Is It?

What kind of day is it for you? Really, what do you see?

I was born in 1969, after President Kennedy and Dr. King were assassinated. Oh, but I must have heard dozens of stories of what the presence of those two brought to this country. I remember my grandfather told me that he for the first time felt that there was going to be a country where 'blacks" did not have to fight for basic necessities or they could feel safe (feel safe). I remember being a little girl looking into my grandfather's eyes trying to catch the excitement he must have felt during those times. As I watched the Democratic Convention last week, I think I caught a glimpse of that hope, my grandfather spoke of. I think I have always been searching for that excitement, that opportunity to make a difference, that chance to be different. I think my life successes have been because of that hope my grandfather felt and was willing to share with me. Oh, do I wish he was here today, I wish he could experience the excitement that is upon us today.

Regardless of your political affiliation, you saw a couple that did not have all the advantages in life; choose to make something of their life and the lives of others. You saw a women support her husband and a husband appreciate it. You saw two children without a care in the world because their parents love each other, love them and this country. You saw the state of this country, a country that needs change.

Mr. Biden is the picture perfect view of a loving and supportive father, grandfather and husband. We saw an elder statesman in Joe Biden, as we should have seen in the Rev. Jessie Jackson. Early in the presidential election, Mr. Biden also ran for that top seat but now with grace and pride he is running for vice president. Mr. Biden has been on this earth longer, in the Senate longer and probably has had more life experiences than Mr. Obama, but yet in his wisdom he sees that the much younger Obama is the right leader for this country.

We see a country ready to elect a man regardless of his color and an elder willing to say someone younger may have the answer. One day, my grandchildren will look into my eyes hoping to catch my excitement, just as I looked into my grandfather’s eyes almost 30 years ago. It is a beautiful day.

Michelle Obama!!!!!

I do not know about you but I am sitting here on the side of my bed in awe. In awe of possibilities, in awe of hope, in awe of change and in awe with what my contribution will be to this planet.

So often, we get buried in the sea of our hurts. And I tell you, I have experienced my share of hurt and pain; so intense that I thought survival was an impossibility. However, tonight I heard a women speak about family, hope and change with some of the same baggage that I carry. I saw a woman speak with passion not looking for applause, not looking to be the first anything but looking to make a difference. I saw a woman speak, whose words brought tears not only to my eyes but also the eyes of my teenage children.

I go to bed tonight energized, confident of my struggles and assured of my future.

Clean Up

Have you ever one day, woke up and you could now see things so clearly? Things that you justified in the past just do not make sense anymore. I have started calling that the "Spring Cleaning" period of your life. Usually around the spring most people fine their homes filthy and cluttered, and they just want to make it better. The funny thing though, this can happen anytime during the year. Sometimes it happens in the spring or sometimes this happens in the winter or fall.

I recently woke up and had a spring cleaning moment. Something that I justified for a time seemed completely wrong. Almost immediately, it was as though, once I received that clarity or that clean house hope was ushered in. Now, it did not solve the reason why I made the decision; I believe that is coming though, but it definitely gave me the ability to see that I was not making the situation better. I am learning that to win at life sometimes you just have to do some spring cleaning.

Love...

I know, I have been gone a while but I am back! Thinking too much as someone specials always tells me.

I could not sleep thinking about this definition. If you are looking for an answer in this blog, stop reading now, I do not pretend to have it figured out. I could not define love as I lay in my bed, at least one that made sense to me. So I went to Webster’s. Love is defined as: Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties. Attraction based on sexual desire. Affection and tenderness felt by lovers. Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion. An amorous episode: love affair. The sexual embrace: copulation.

Then the Bible: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8.

These are all definitions of love, while some sound beautiful and sweet, some of the definitions are illicit in nature. This begs the question. Who taught you how to love? I mean, how did you learn to love? If you have never truly experienced love, how do you know how to give it? Is it automatic? Would you recognized it if it tapped you on the shoulder? Do we often confuse love for that something that feels right at the moment? I am learning to love and be loved. I realized recently, I really did not understand love. I had always heard love is Christ and what he did for us but how does that translate to how we love? Do we go as far as Christ did and die for someone? I think many of us try. While some of us try to love as Christ, many of us get our idea of love from movies. In the movies it often looks perfect; it looks as though it feels good and something that can last forever. I think we all are searching for the meaning of love and I hope we all find it. Truthfully, I like the Bible's definition but life or love does not always feel that way.

I read in several books that there are seven basic things a woman wants from a man and someone I was talking to this week said it even simpler, a woman needs a man to make love to her heart. What does it take to make love to your heart; here is what it takes to make love to mine....

1. Leadership
2. To be chased or desired
3. Security
4. A man that is healthy physically and mentally
5. Some shared interest
6. A man with dreams and purpose
7. A man that is fun with healthy friend relationships

I Love Wine...

We have been discussing some tough topics so I thought I would lighten the mood with one of my favorite things, wine! I found a site that I think did a fantastic job in explaining the different types of wine. Today, we will discuss RED WINES.

RED WINES (http://www.frenchscout.com/types-of-red-wines)

Syrah, cabernet, zinfandel are grape varieties. This page describes wine styles by variety and production area.

If only one variety (merlot, cabernet sauvignon) is mentioned on the label, then the wine is called varietal and is named after the grape with a capital initial (Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon). A varietal wine primarily shows the fruit : its taste much depends on the grape variety.

Syrah (or Shiraz)

Shiraz or syrah are two names for the same variety. Europe vintners only use the name syrah.
Food pairings: meat (steak, beef, wild game, stews, etc.)
Districts: syrah excels in California, in Australia, and in France's Rhone Valley.

Merlot

(Mare-lo) Easy to drink. The softness of Merlot has made it an "introducing" wine for new red-wine drinkers.

Food pairings: any will do.
Districts: a key player in the Bordeaux blend, merlot is now also grown in Italy, Romania, California, Washington State, Chile, Australia, etc.

Typical taste in varietal wine: the Merlot type of wine is tannic (rough) but less so than Cabernet Sauvignon. A middle palate gap is common. Blackcherry and herbal flavors are typical.

Cabernet sauvignon

(Ca-burr-nay So-veen-yawn) Widely accepted as one of the world's best varieties. Cabernet sauvignon is often blended with cabernet franc and merlot. It usually undergoes oak treatment.

Food pairings: best with simply prepared red meat.
Districts: cabernet sauvignon is planted wherever red wine grapes grow except in the Northern fringes such as Germany. It is part of the great red Médoc wines of France, and among the finest reds in Australia, California and Chile.

Typical taste in varietal wine: full-bodied, but firm and gripping when young.

Pinot noir

(Pee-know Na-wahr) One of the noblest red wine grapes. Pinot noir is difficult to grow, rarely blended, with no roughness.

Food pairings: excellent with grilled salmon, chicken, and lamb.
Districts: makes the great reds of Burgundy in France, and good wines from Austria, California, Oregon, and New Zealand.

Zinfandel(Zin-fan-dell)

Perhaps the world's most versatile wine grape, making everything from blush wine (White Zinfandel), to rich, heavy reds.

Food pairings: very much depends on the freshness/heaviness of the wine; tomato-sauce pastas, pizza, and grilled and barbecued meats.
Districts: only found in California.

Typical taste in varietal wine: often a zesty flavor with berry and pepper.

Sangiovese

(San-gee-oh-ve-zee)
Food pairings: a good choice for Italian and other Mediterranean-style cuisines.
Districts: sangiovese produces the Chiantis of Italy's Tuscany region and, of late, good wines from California.

Typical taste in varietal wine: the primary style is medium-bodied with fresh berry and plum flavors.

Barbera

(Bar-bear-a) Not as popular as Merlot but with similar attributes.

Food pairings: barbera wines are versatile: they match many dishes, including tomato sauces.
Districts: another classic red of Italian origin. Widespread in California.

Typical taste in varietal wine: juicy black cherry and plum fruit, a silky texture and excellent acidity. You may wish to read tasting notes of Barberas at La Spinetta.

I have a favorite local wine, http://www.ste-michelle.com/.

A Get together...

This weekend I had a get together at my house with some friends. We were a group of married with children that are either embracing our 40s or coming up on 40 rather quickly.

The subject of family came up. We were talking about our childhoods, and surprisingly or not surprisingly, all of our stories were marred with dysfunction. Everyone sitting on that deck, everyone had experience with divorce, abuse, and abandonment. We talked a lot of not wanting the same experiences for our families and protecting our children the way we wished we were protected growing up. I even admitted to the fact that my family turned their back on me when I spoke up about some of the injustices in my childhood. I was just supposed to deal with it, not speak about it in their minds.

For me, getting through those issues from my childhood has been a process that put me in therapy. Now the word therapy, for most African-Americans is a dirty word. This is too bad because many of us need it. So let me ask you; if I came from a divorced home, never really knew my father and was abused; do I really know how to be healthy on my own. I thought I did, until I just could not shake this unhappy feeling. My motto for a very long time was "It is the hand I was dealt so I just have to get over it". I needed therapy.

While there is some truth to my motto, I forgot the part about grieving. I forgot that it is OK to grieve abandonment, divorce and abuse. That grief is part of the healing process; until you grieve you truly have not healed. If we truly are going to be better for our children we have to confront and deal with what pains us. Therapy helped me embrace this concept.

I have to say, it was refreshing to see us all take a step towards that by talking about our fears, past pains and future desires.

For The Next Year....

OK, this is my first post and also my last year to say that I am thirty something. What does it mean to be going into your forties? Some say you are getting old, others say you are moving into a new phase of your life and others ask are you freaking out.

Well, I have chosen not to freak out and while yes, I am getting older, I hope I am moving into a new phase of my life. I have spent the last year dealing with the demons of childhood, my 20s and 30s. Trying to make sense of it all but mostly choosing to NO LONGER ignore some pretty significant events that included tragedy, love, pain, success, and failure.

How did I start on this journey? I was talking with a friend and he said my life was easy. In my mind I screamed what the heck are you talking about, I am lucky to have survived it all! Then it the next moment, I realized it probably does look easy because I do a very good job of keeping everything inside. I had to face that for the last 38 years I have held in every negative emotion and I have not grieved the negative events; leaving me overwhelmed, stressed and losing my mind. So, I chose to do what I have not done in the past, concentrate on me.

Don't get me wrong, my life is pretty good. I have been able to attain education, travel and even though it is far from over, I have a pretty successful career. It has been the many downs in the journey to get to those things that have not been fun. Not grieving the negative has not allowed me to truly enjoy the positives.

So, for the next year, I am going to blog to help me continue the work on my heart that I started this year. I think it is going to be a fun, difficult and a rewarding journey. I am growing. Some believe you learn to love; I believe you grow to love.